Age conversations come up often during my Uber rides. Maybe it’s because I spent nine years working in a nursing home. Last week, a rider talked about how different life looked to her than when she was twenty years younger, and how different she looked at the world twenty years before that. Her perspective triggered a milestone in my life.
I’m kind of a spreadsheet nut. I love to track everything from my meager bank accounts to every Uber ride. One of my spreadsheet documents tracks every week of ride-sharing, beginning with my first ride in 2017. I am familiar with my weekly averages, including the number of rides, average dollars per trip, and so on.
A while back, I discovered an app for my phone called Countdown. I’ve logged every one of my family members’ birthdays, their anniversaries, the number of days until my life insurance policies expire, and when I last went to confession (need to work on that one). As I’m writing this, I know that I have 11,107 days, 14 hours, 50 minutes, and 10 seconds until I’m 100 years old.
A few weeks ago, I added one more. My mother passed away at the age of 69 and seven months. That’s 25,412 days. Last week, I looked at my countdown app and saw that I have now lived longer than my mother. “Betty Jo” Fulton died on December 15, 2003, almost 22 years ago.
I recall how many people commented that she was too young to go. Maybe it’s because I saw her suffer from the lifelong habit of cigarette smoking. My dad passed away two-and-a-half years later from the same habit. But, his greatness malady was missing my mother, his wife of fifty years.
However, when I think of my mother, I mostly recall the impact she had on others. No one I’ve ever known had a better ear for listening to others. We worked together in our family business, and I kidded her often about how hard it was to stand in line outside of her office to get my turn to discuss business. You could watch people circling, waiting for the moment they could sit down in front of her and unload their woes and their hopes.
My father had helped restart a “crisis” line when he was president of the Pleasant Valley Optimist Club. Of course, my mother was one of the first volunteers. I accompanied her a couple of times and listened to her talk to callers as they unloaded their problems.
I watched her as she mourned the death of her daughter, Terry, who died at the age of eighteen from a car accident. She never got over the tragedy, but handled herself with a grace and strength I’ve never forgotten.
She again showed her mettle when her family was attacked in a terrible family business lawsuit. Challenge after challenge, “Betty Jo” encouraged her family. She faced life’s setbacks with remarkable resilience and a fantastic attitude. One of her familiar sayings was, “Oh well, just another problem!”
My most cherished memories of her came as we sat together on the porch of our family’s beach house at Gulf Shores. As we listened to the waves touching the shore and marveled at the countless stars in the night sky, we talked about life’s tides. All of the ebbs and flows, major and minor. Her calm wisdom never came across as if it were from someone “too young.”
You may be wondering why I’m writing this in a “ride-share” blog post. I’m privileged to hear stories from my riders dealing with countless aspects of their lives. I “outlived” my mother last week, at least in days on this earth. Sixty-nine is very young, at least from my perspective.
One of my best friends, Tim Gamso, passed away last year at the age of sixty-nine. I think his passing made me realize that what we do, and who we touch, is far more important than how long we are here. Tim and my mother affected the lives of countless others. Their legacy outlives their time with us.
Several new riders have subscribed to my blog this week. I appreciate your willingness to listen to my stories and to share your thoughts. Each day that I spend with you riders allows me to learn in ways that I had never imagined.
By the way, my countdown app says that I have 3,181 days until I outlive my father. I’ve a long way to go to earn the wisdom I’ve seen in my parents and friends.
Thanks, and God Bless,
Tommy
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(I hope you will stay in touch. I’ll be releasing my book on July 15. You can pre-purchase the Kindle version now! You’ll receive it on July 15.
Here’s the link: Kindle version
The paperback is available on July 15, but it’s not available for pre-purchase. I’ll let you know as soon as I have more information. I appreciate your support!)